As human beings, each and every one of us is very different — despite the fact that we may feel that we are very alike. We all have our own lives to live and explore. When we are engaging with so many different people on a daily basis it can be very hard to comprehend that each one of us has a life that is entirely separate from others. When we meet people, that is our lives intersecting. When things don't go to plan, it can be a struggle. It doesn't have to be related to a relationship or connection, it could literally be something like moving house or starting a new job. These are all life changes. They all have their impact.
What is a “big life change”?
What do I define as a “big life change”? The way I see it, many of us can go about life, going through the motions and experiencing each day as it comes. But there are some experiences, such as starting a new job, moving house, meeting new people, creating new friendships and some friendships breaking down, that change the way that we are used to living. It sort of disrupts the equilibrium, if you like. Though it may surprise many people, it can be a lot of process. That is what I class as a “big life change”. Anything bigger would also come under that category.
Change, in any sense of the word, can be difficult, because as humans we are habitual creatures. However, there are a few things that we can do — especially in terms of the way we think about change — to improve our experience, and ultimately help us navigate it. One thing that I particularly like doing is turning the nerves or frustration into excitement. Say you are moving house — you are going to be in a different location, coming across different people, and probably working in a different environment. That is a lot to comprehend and get used to. Having said that, being in a different location, meeting people, and starting a new job also opens opportunities. You may discover something about yourself that you wouldn't have discovered had you not moved. There is only so much you can predict about life. And, from experience, much of what ends up happening you wouldn't have even considered, so there's not much point in trying to predict it. Part of life is understanding what you have and seeing what comes. Easier said than done, I know.
Finding yourself, and finding your people
You certainly find out who your friends are in moving to a new location. The people you knew in your old location now have to make that little bit of extra effort in order to keep contact with you and maintain that connection. You will soon find out who is willing to maintain the connection, and who is not. Now, I know life happens, and not everybody can communicate as regularly or freely as we would like to (especially over messages), but on the other hand, it only takes a few seconds to send a text message and check in with somebody.
If you are the one that has moved away and these people you thought were friends have not checked in on you, it can create a sense of deep loneliness. Feeling as though people were only kind to you — even nice to you — because you were there. It may feel as though they didn't actually care about you in the first place. Whether that is true or not depends entirely on the situation and context. As I suggested above, moving to a new location opens up opportunities to meet new people and find new connections. It may be part of the experience of life that, as we move about and do different things, we ultimately have to find different people and new people for each situation. Though it can feel awkward, and a bad thing at the time.
I could go as far to say that meeting new people on a regular basis is a benefit to you, because it opens you up to new ways of thinking, new ways of feeling, and definitely new experiences of life. That isn't to say that we should just let go of everybody we've known, because the right people will stay in your life in whatever way. Some people will come to visit, some people won't be able to for whatever reason, and some people will check in on you and make sure you're doing well. What I'm trying to say is, although it may feel as though you've lost people or you've lost a good time, it can be an opportunity to start afresh.
With this perspective in mind, you can begin to see how big life changes can feel smaller, and just be part of life, When they feel like this, then they are much easier to perceive and navigate
There is also an element of accepting that change is happening, and that that is going to be hard. Change can be both a good in a bad thing, but either way, it is not without its difficulty. From there, it becomes an achievable challenge. You may be going through change and a difficult time, but it is all part of the experience of life, which will work towards further enriching your life. That's not to say that every experience in life is good ,because it's certainly not. But every experience we do have informs the way that we experience and live life. If we were to sit in a field for the rest of our lives, for example, that would impact our lives in different ways compared to deciding to travel the world — as many people seem to do. It is a very extreme example, but the point stands.
In my experience of change it is almost the thought of change that is worse than the change actually happening. Once the change is actually happening, we can just go with the flow, and take it as it comes. In thinking about the change happening I can't necessarily predict how and when it's going to start, and how I'm going to feel about it. Ultimately, once it is happening, we have no choice but to keep going and making the best of what we can. I firmly believe that this is a key lesson of life.
Within this, there can be lessons to be learned which we can carry with us for the rest of our lives. This further informs our future decisions and choices. Hopefully, you can see how each decision will inform each other and how, over time, this will change the way in which you make these decisions. This will ultimately lead to different decisions, compared to those that you would have made at a different stage in your life. It can be both a frightening and liberating concept to explore. From my perspective, if you find yourself making a decision in a different way than you would have done before, then that means you have developed as a person.
I hope, from reading this, that you have come to an understanding that change and navigating big life changes can be an exciting thing. The nerves and overwhelm can be used in a constructive way to inform future decisions. That way, there is something constructive to do with all this emotion and worry, and it ultimately lessens feelings of anxiety.
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