From the second you read the title, I assume that you're going to think that I'm dismissive of disability, despite being disabled myself. But there are many facets that I would like to use this discussion to explore. I get the impression that, in being a disabled writer, it is therefore implied that I must write about disability — and by extension, I must include disabled characters within my writing. However, as I am a writer of my own work, it is up to me to decide whether this is relevant for the current piece. It is not meaning to say that I will not definitely include disabled characters, it is the fact that it is not necessary just because I am disabled myself.
That being said, I do feel it is important for me to discuss disability. It is an opportunity to educate other people, and explore my own thoughts and feelings on the topic — despite living with disability all of my life. In explaining it to other people, it allows me to reflect upon my own thoughts, feelings and perceptions in a different way,
As a disabled person, I do believe that there is a certain need to be a voice discussing disability as it is an opportunity to educate others, but in saying that I do not believe there is an obligation to include it in everything that I write about. So, there is something to be considered in the fact that, yes, I would like to write about disability as it being part of who I am — but to what extent do I want to do this? Disability, for me, is part of who I am, but it is definitely not everything that I am. so I would like this to be the case with my writing, but that is not to say that I don't have a lot to say about disability, and it does not mean to say that I do not believe that I can make change by discussing disability. It ultimately comes down to the type of writer you are, and what you would like to be known for. As I said, disability is part of me, but it is not all of who I am, so I wouldn't like that to be encompassed in my writing. There are many different facets to who I am, and my personality.
I've said in previous writings on disability that I get the impression that other people assume that my life is an extension of another — through potentially needing more assistance than an able-bodied person. Therefore, giving the impression that I can't have a life of my own, and that train of thought gives the impression that all I have to write about is disability, despite mentioning previously that disability is only part of who I am. By extension of all of this, I do get the impression sometimes — not everybody, but a few people — want me to write about disability so that they can sympathise with me, and be seen showing me sympathy. Some people — not all — may use it as an opportunity to infantilise me. I would counteract that by saying, in writing about disability, I do so objectively, and take into consideration the fact that disability affects everyone differently. In the same way that I don't let disability define me, I try my best not to let other people define me by my disability.
I do also feel as though, if I were to write about disability too much, it would be encouraging the idea that disability is all I have to write about and all that I have experienced. When, actually, I have experienced many facets of life — and I continue to do so. I feel even as though my disability has encouraged me to do more, as I'm aware of how my life is restricted, and how things could be different. It has almost cornered me to acknowledge what I can do, and what is a potential limit, and how I can make the most of what I can do.
On that note, I have had experiences where people ask me about my disability — or we're discussing disability in general — and the other person says how sorry they are. I appreciate this at face value, but it can come across as degrading because disability is part of who I am, and it is all I've known. So, in saying that you are sorry that I am in a position to live like this, suggests further that you are sorry that I exist in the way that I do. Especially since I can't help being disabled in the first place, it leads further into that infantilisation. Are you sorry that I exist, sorry, that I'm alive. Are you sorry that I seem to be struggling? This compounds further on the idea that people who are not disabled — and, of course, do not live my life — don't always understand when I am struggling and when I am not. I can look as though I'm struggling to an able-bodied person, when in fact it is just the way that I live, and the way that I have learnt to do things to work with my disability. To further solidify my point, I would just like to explain the difference between empathy and sympathy, at least from where I understand it. So, for example, with empathy, you can put yourselves in other people's shoes. You may not have been through the same experiences, but you can draw from your own experiences to be able to begin to understand someone else’s experience. Sympathy is where you are showing emotions, and then pity through what they have told you. But there isn't that element of understanding — or willingness to understand — which comes with empathy.
I would like to add that there is a more nuanced approach to writing about disability than just explicitly writing about disability and how it affects people and their experiences. As you will have guessed by now, living with a disability is a different experience of life, and in my experience I have found that it affects my perspective of conflict, empathy, and resilience in particular. This is because I've had to navigate life as a disabled person, and life in general is not built with disabled people in mind. This isn't a suggestion to point fingers, it is just the fact that the majority of people are able-bodied, so it is a great thing that — in more recent years — disabled people have been considered more than they have been in the past. That does not mean to say that there isn't progress still to be made.
In having this different experience, and overcoming obstacles and struggles, it develops my empathy in a unique way, as the experience of any and all disabilities is unique in itself. So, my perspective towards life in general — in particular, the experiences that we all experience, despite our circumstances in life — can be different. For example, in being disabled, I have found there is an element of needing to prove myself — but out of that comes this hard working attitude, and a strong work ethic to show that I am capable, but also share my ability outside of that. Compounding on that is my resilience, because I know that in order to get to the same level as the able-bodied person, I have to make that little bit of extra effort. So I have a very strong understanding of the importance of resilience, and almost keep chipping away, and seeing where things take me.
Having a disability does mean that I have a tendency to need certainty, but as I become older I am also accepting the fact that there is so much uncertainty in life — and that is ironically the only certainty. This deep understanding of myself, and how disability has imprinted itself upon my existence, only enhances and compounds my ability for empathy, because I'm aware of how the same experiences can have such nuanced impacts on a variety of different people. You never know how one person is going to be affected differently to another, but we all have a common understanding that experience in life is going to change us and our perspectives. It is just through having a disability you have unique insight into how a disability could affect somebody else. However, that does not mean to say that, if you live with somebody with a disability, that you would not have a stronger understanding of disability than somebody who has had no interaction with somebody with a disability. This, principally, could be applied into anything in life.
The idea of conflict with a disability is an interesting notion. This is because, having a disability, you quickly learn from a very young age that you need to speak to a variety of people who may, or may not, be able to provide you with some answers and make your life better. Some of them perfectly well have the opportunity to make it worse, if they really wanted to. For me, there is an element of having to be nice to people — so that if I were to ever need them, then I don't purposely put myself in an awkward position. I understand in saying that it makes me come across as manipulative, but it is more from the fact that I don't naturally dislike people. I have to be shown as to why I should dislike somebody to start feeling a dislike towards them. So, I am a very accepting person.
On the other hand, as much as there is almost the compulsion to be nice to people just in case you may need to help somewhere down the line, There is this fire within me that allows me to stand up for myself. As I'm so used to speaking to a variety of different people this compulsion doesn't necessarily put me off having to say what I need to say. You can see there's conflict even within myself, in terms of ‘do I just go along with things, or do I stand up for myself?’
Hopefully, by now, you can see that this is a complex idea to explore. I also hope that I have given you plenty to consider, so that you can make up your own mind on the matter. On the one hand, I think it is important to discuss disability in an effort to educate people, but on the other hand I don't think it is necessary to do so just because I have a disability. I'm not obligated to do so is what I mean. I've tried to also show that there are many different ways we can discuss disability. Hopefully, you take those into consideration going forward. Ultimately, it is up to the writer as to whether they discuss disability, or to what depth they do so. There is an element of proving myself in my writing. I hope that through my writing I am successful because of my own achievements, despite being disabled. My writing is my writing, and my achievements are my achievements. I hope, through my writing, I can change people's perceptions.
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